Storm Damage

Every year from June through November we keep our eye on the forecast for hurricanes and tropical storms heading our way. As I write this there is a tropical storm overhead that is causing no more than a blustering breeze and heavy rain. Since I know most damage from storms like this come not from the wind but from the heavy rains, it was no surprise to me that when I asked some friends how they were faring he told me about a ceiling leak in the kitchen.

An inconvenience, for sure, but not life threatening. The repairs will likely span a month or longer and require the services of a water damage restoration company, roofing company, and drywall/painting company. Their kitchen will be dirty, messy, and potentially unusable for a period of time. Their attic will probably have to have insulation replaced.

This entire conversation got me to thinking: this particular storm isn’t really all that bad, so why did my friend’s roof leak? There are no real memorable amounts of wind and although the rain is plentiful, it is not a driving rain that can get under and in everywhere. My only conclusion is that this particular storm did not cause the problem but revealed it.

And so it is with life.

Sometimes the hiccups of life can cause damage to us: a diagnosis, job loss, big fight with our spouse, suffering through abuse, experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, or even frustrations with not getting pregnant. The list of life’s storms could go on forever. All of us experience them in one way or another, and one person’s storms are never the exact equal to another’s.

When these storms hit, it can often feel like the damage to our lives was caused by the storm itself. This seems like a logical connection to make because, well, the rains came and my ceiling leaked. My ceiling did not leak until the rains came. Therefore, the leaky ceiling is the byproduct of the heavy rains. This translates into emotional matters when we have a big fight with our spouse and tell ourselves that if only they would do X then life would be better. We spend our time and focus on addressing the issue immediately in front of us but never think to ask the underlying question of where the original damage came from. And in my experience, the original damage is almost never from whatever sits right in front of us.

If there is a proverbial leaky ceiling in our lives, we must do two things:

1. Identify the damage

It was reported in a study conducted in 2023 that 77% of American adults use unhealthy coping mechanisms to manage their stress. We all face stress on a daily basis so the question is not if you deal with stress but how you deal with it. And the study conducted in 2023 showed that the vast majority of us gravitate towards unhealthy ways of managing that stress. The study defines “unhealthy” as alcohol, marijuana or other drugs, food, sleeping, exercise, social media, binge watching, or clubbing.

If we ever want to actually repair the damage that life’s storms caused in our lives then we must take an honest look at our habits. If we refuse to do anything other than put a bucket under the leak, the damage will never be repaired. When you’ve had a hard day, how do you de-stress? Do you find it challenging to unwind without a bottle in your hand? Do you find yourself watching one episode but then Netflix suddenly asks “are you still watching?” Do you open up Instagram or Tiktok to see what’s going on with your people but then you look up and several hours have passed? If so, you’ve got some damage to repair.

The good news is that you can do more than just put a bucket under the leak.

2. Uncover the original cause

In the case of my friend’s leaky ceiling, what would happen if he simply painted over the wet ceiling and called it good enough? We obviously know the answer is the ceiling might look okay, at least until the next time it rains. The reality is that the integrity of his roof is now compromised and it is now much more readily susceptible to future damage. The sad reality is that we all do this in our personal lives. We go through a stormy season of life and when the rains stop, we simply patch up the leaks and say, “good enough!”

Then when the next storm hits, we wonder why that same leak is happening again. If your spouse wonders why you get angry so easily or why you are so quick to become discouraged, this is why. If life seems good but then stress hits and you are all too eager to reach for a drink, this is why. In order to truly repair his ceiling, my friend must investigate the original cause. That means he, or a contractor, must crawl up into the attic and climb up onto the roof to find the source of the leak.

We must do the same in our own lives. Whether on our own or with the help of a counselor, we must spend the time looking for the cause of why we cope with stress in the ways that we do. More often than not, these habits were formed in childhood and have morphed as we aged. If we don’t, all we are doing is painting a wet ceiling.